The small island is the perfect spot to test the new humanoid robot servers, experts say.

Hyde County government officials are happy to announce that Ocracoke was chosen in a competitive grant process to be the first U.S. town with A.I. staff at local eateries and retail shops through a pilot program with The Humanoid Touch, Inc.

This program will provide 100 humanoid robot servers and/or retail workers to be distributed among Ocracoke businesses – free of charge – by Memorial Day. These robots can greet customers, manage seating and hosting duties, take food and drink orders, and process payments through imbedded POS systems in their forearms.

“Our workers are never tired, angry, or hungover” said Aldous Orwell, president of The Humanoid Touch, Inc. “They are never late – they stay onsite and just need to be attached to their chargers in between shifts. They work late without complaining and besides a little wipe down now and then, they need very little maintenance.”

“Oh, this will be a godsend, you have NO IDEA,” said one local restaurateur who spoke to the Current on anonymity. “I’m so tired of all the bitching and whining my servers do. I requested five robots! I can’t wait. Finally, I’ll have an employee who’s not pissy if we get new customers right before closing. I mean, these robots won’t be rushing outta here to get to their shift drinks at Dajio, amirite?”

Their premium model, the SuperJenny73, allows the employer to choose up to 5 standard languages and an additional 5 regional dialects for the robot. “We’ve been working with Walt Wolfram at the NC State Language and Life Project to ensure that the SuperJenny73 can understand and converse in the Ocracoke brogue as well as the Core Sounder dialect and, of course, your standard Eastern N.C. redneck twang and little Washington Royalty drawl,” added Octavia Bradbury, the vice president of research and development at The Humanoid Touch, Inc. “We spent years perfecting the Southern ‘sweet tea’ voice for our SuperJenny 73.”

The Humanoid Touch has also partnered with Ocracoke Preservation Society on this project, which has uploaded their entire historical archive from the museum onto the robot server’s server. Have a question about an obscure date from Ocracoke’s past? Or maybe you just need to know how to get to the lighthouse? The SuperJenny73 can tell you. She’s a walking, talking guidebook to all things Ocracoke. Better yet, she never gets tired answering the same question over and over again.

Her slightly older humanoid sister, the HappyCathy70 is a retailer’s dream, claims The Humanoid Touch, Inc. This robot is an inventory tracking device, cash register, and credit card processor all wrapped up in one friendly plastic companion. Her 360 degree vision prevents shoplifting and she can easily rattle off all the information about the shop’s wares and answer general questions about Ocracoke while tending the till.

Some island residents have questioned the wisdom of the robot “invasion.”

“You should read the book I just read,” exhorted Captain Rob Temple as he stood on the deck of the Schooner WINDFALL. It’s called If Anyone Builds It, Everyone Dies, and it’s about the inevitable A.I. takeover. These robots aren’t our friends. Beware! Beware!”

Captain Rob isn’t the only one who’s worried, though some have different concerns.

“Is this really the right look for Ocracoke? We’re kinda laidback and folksy here,” said local server Jen Buday. “Our vibe is more human than humanoid. Also, how smart can these robots be? I beat the robots at Crossplay every day!’

Despite public misgivings, Hyde County and Ocracoke powers-that-be are moving full steam ahead on building an A.I. workforce.

“Ocracoke business are chronically understaffed,” mansplained Hyde County commissioner Randal Mathews. “Workforce housing has been an issue for years and it only got worse after Hurricane Dorian in 2019. We need solutions and this program can only help our struggling economy,”

In a recent A.I.-written press release, Hyde County justified the partnership with The Humanoid Touch, Inc. listing several reasons that the islanders should embrace these robotic coworkers. Besides easing the housing crisis and providing ample staffing, the robots will also bring notoriety to the island, which will be a boon to tourism. (They’ll be even more popular than the wild ponies!) Robots don’t have political ties or opinions that might inconvenience visitors. They don’t need healthcare, mental healthcare, or childcare. They don’t need a paycheck and are programmed to divvy up their tips among their human counterparts. They don’t need smoke breaks or pee breaks. They will never serve their underage friends. In the event of a hurricane evacuation, their hard drives can be removed and stored 10 to a briefcase for easy travel. They are fully insured with iron-clad warranties.

What’s not to love?

“To be honest, we’re looking to A.I. to solve all of Hyde County’s problems,” said county manager Kris Noble. “Teacher shortages are a problem that The Humanoid Touch could eventually solve. We think in five years’ time we could replace the ferry captains and crews with robots allowing the ferry system to save money and divert funds to other transportation needs. Tram drivers, line cooks, bank tellers, baristas, construction workers, cottage cleaners – there is such opportunity in this space! The answer to improving Hyde County’s economic future lies in nearly-free robot labor.”

“Our visitors deserve a vacation paradise completely devoid of human foibles,” added Ocracoke Travel and Tourism Director Helena Stevens. “If we’ve learned anything from Facebook comments, it’s that our visitors don’t want to interact with anyone who might disagree with them about anything. Luckily, these robots always tell you what you want to hear. Ocracoke’s future is with The Humanoid Touch, Inc.”

Hey, if it’s good enough for the White House, it should be good enough for Ocracoke!